T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
