After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
