Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
