No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
