Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
