I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
