Yo dont text me then not text me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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