I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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