then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
