i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm at about main and main street
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
