I think my vagina is haunted
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
