AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
