Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Houston, we have a squirter
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
