Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
