So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
