that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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