in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
