Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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