I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
