how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
