yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
