I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
