Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
