Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I want a musical about memes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
