Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
