So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
