there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
