i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
