I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
