people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
