If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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