Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
