They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
