you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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