She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
