tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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