I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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