I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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