Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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