ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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