I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
