listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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