"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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