I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
