can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
