Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
