you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
