I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
