So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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