No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
