Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize