so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
